+ A Premarital Counseling Story

The story that follows is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental. The story is intended to be informative about the types of issues people bring to counseling and how those issues are effectively addressed. This story reflects real themes and treatment processes used by the counselor in her work with real clients.

Brent (42) and Marybeth (38) were planning to get married in six months. Brent, an Army Veteran had been married before and Marybeth had not. Brent explained to the counselor that he had asked Marybeth to attend premarital counseling because he had experienced a lot of success after a year and half of individual counseling. He had sought divorce recovery counseling during his divorce from his first wife because of the complicated emotions he had felt when he discovered his wife had cheated on him during his two tours of active duty. He had experienced intense feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, shame, hurt, and confusion. His individual counselor helped him not only tease out what he was feeling, thinking, and doing in response to the situation but he was given helpful strategies to navigate the divorce process and reach a different level of self-awareness. Brent chose not date for the first two years after his divorce finalized because he was still figuring himself out. He had met Marybeth while mountain biking and immediately took a liking to her. She had recently accepted a job in Golden working for a start-up after spending the last decade working for an international corporation. She had lived in many different countries, spoke several languages, and had dated here and there without any significant relationship commitment.

When Marybeth moved to Golden three years ago, she decided to learn to mountain bike because people in her office regularly went biking during lunch and after work. During a solo ride, her tire went flat. While she was inspecting it and began to take out her tools, Brent was riding down and stopped to check-in with her. They got to talking and immediately hit it off and began hanging out, developing a solid friendship, before becoming romantic partners. Brent advised he was intentional in how he progressed in his relationship with Marybeth and she followed his lead since she had never been in a serious relationship before. They talked openly about different topics and they wanted to make sure they were on track for a healthy marriage- hence the decision to attend premarital counseling.

Marybeth and Brent completed a relationship health inventory before beginning counseling. They identified some areas of their relationship where they would benefit from additional tools and skills. Some of their counseling goals included helping Marybeth become more assertive and direct about her needs and wants with Brent, while helping Brent not only name his feelings but comfortably feel them and work through them with Marybeth. Both Marybeth and Brent were high achievers in their careers and they wanted to be high achievers in their relationship. Through the use of DBT, Radical Acceptance, and nature based mindfulness therapies they learned how to accept imperfection in themselves and each other. Marybeth and Brent attended 90 minute session every two to three weeks for the first three months before shifting to once a month before their wedding. They had a couple sessions following their wedding and reported they believed they were on good footing stepping in their marriage and were open to seeking support the minute an issue arose and stuck around for more than a couple months.

Premarital counseling is type of relationship coaching that can be fun, interesting, and deepen your connection with your partner. If you are getting married or having a life commitment ceremony please contact Cambium Counseling so you and your partner can get in alignment, gain additional relationship tools, and increase your confidence going into your marriage.